I found this cool photo on Instagram from a Radio DJ I follow. Her name is @luvelizabethany and this is a handwritten note from Usher. Yes, that Usher that has given countless hits from “Yeah!” to “Climax.” You can catch him on NBC’s “The Voice” Mondays and Tuesdays.
Do you have any motivational quotes? Share ‘em with me on Twitter and Facebook
A.
“This is my girlfriend…”
“This is the guy I am dating…”
“This is the girl I am in love with…”
“This is my best friend…”
The statements above are some of the ones you may or may not have heard at some given period of time but regardless, they all have one thing in common…and that is the feeling of validation. It’s a small yet so powerful gesture. Simple little words or small little actions that give someone the feeling that someone cares about them or that they’re important to them in some way.
At times, we only want this validation to come from certain people because we hold them in high regard or the person means a lot to us so of course, we want the feelings to be reciprocated. If you’re thinking you’re dumb for wanting someone to acknowledge in a small way, you aren’t dumb. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way. You just want to be heard, seen, and acknowledged for what you do in a relationship or a friendship. It may seem so small but it’s important because everyone wants a little bit of everyone’s attention.
While some may freely give out the validation, beware of the ones that necessarily don’t give it out like party favors and most of the time, they’re oblivious to the fact that you may want validation. The thing about validation is that it needs to be authentic and not forced because then it’s not genuine and creates a sense of artificialness between the sender and the receiver. If you’re getting the validation you need, you need to focus on the people who fulfill that part but at the same time, don’t make the mistake of reciprocating the emotion if isn’t genuine.
At the end of day, we all have this innate need to be wanted, acknowledged, and validated as someone important in another individual’s life. Some may only need the validation of their significant other through a term of endearment or with the action of uploading a couple’s photo on their Facebook profile yet others looks for validation from their inner circle also known as some of the most important people in his or her life.
So after reading this, pick up the phone and let your significant other and every important person in your life that you love them, thank them, and make them feel wanted as a part of your life. Don’t force it but be authentic. We’re never guaranteed the next day so always let the people in your life know that you treasure them. The small things we say or do for each other tend to always make the biggest impact.
Gossip creates some of the most unnecessary and sticky messes that we never wish to deal with. Somehow, we all get thrown into it whether we like it or not. What do you when you the culprit of it “changes” their ways?
“Did you hear about what happened to what’s her face?”
“No, I don’t talk to her…I can’t stand her. we’re not even friends.”
“What? Why?”
“I’ll tell you but promise you can’t tell anybody”
You know you’ve been part of a similar conversation like the previous example and if you’re sitting there saying you’ve never been part of a conversation like that, then you’re probably lying through your teeth. At one point in your life whether it’s not or back in middle/high school, you’ve gossiped about someone in your life that you may or may not like or that you know this person but necessarily don’t talk to at all.
Does it make you a bad person? Not at all.
Does it make you human? Yes. We’re all guilty of it.
We all that one gossip girl or boy that is notorious for it and literally, knows everything about everyone. They like their public image to be as the “saint” or the “innocent” one of the entire group. These individuals are the ones you should completely look out for and beware of the trouble they might bring you throughout the course of the friendship. They’re buddy-buddy and all about the whole “let’s do everything together” but it’s all act. They lure you in and earn your trust like second-nature but they literally are there for one thing and one thing only…details. The details you share depend on you but they fuel the gossip that the individual shares with their other “confidantes.”
Sometimes, the gossip girl/boy does a 180-switch and becomes friends with their most hated “enemy” and all of a sudden, it’s like nothing was ever wrong with them. The rumors and gossip that involved the “enemy” are yesterday’s news and you’re left wondering what the hell just happened to the person who was you calling you “bff” five minutes ago. This is a person you must be really careful with because they switch sides faster than a presidential candidate in the middle of answering a question during a debate.
Tips to deal with a gossip boy/girl
1. Be self-conscious…in terms of what you say.
2. Don’t fully trust the individual.
3. Steer away from the emotional/deep conversations.
4. If and when they team up with their “enemy”, step back.
5. Play the game that they play…just do it better. (just kidding)
You really never know where you stand with a gossip girl/boy. One day you’re in then the next day, you’re out. At all times, trust your instincts because they never fail you especially in times like these. The gossip girl/boy will eventually get a taste of their own medicine or lose all their friends so don’t stoop to their level. If you do end up playing the game, be prepared for the consequences.
-A.
“One’s fears can become a powerful force that can hinder an individual’s potential”
While some individuals walk fearlessly into any given situation, some of us weren’t so lucky and have let our fears take over us in some form.
It’s like we literally get stuck in a zone where we feel comfortable yet there’s no progress, no movement, no pressure to change and adapt to what’s going around us. To top it off, it gets worse if you surround yourself with the same kind of people who have no motivation to push out of their boundaries.
Obviously going outside your comfort zone doesn’t happen overnight and it’s not the easiest thing to overcome. It’s daunting to suddenly get the urge to get out of the box and push yourself. The move you overthink about changing your ways, the harder it gets to execute the change.
As cliche as the phrase, “You Only Live Once”, may be you have to embrace the idea behind it. Fyi, don’t put it in a song because Drake already did it and has inspired many to get the tattoo. You don’t want to sit and wonder what could have happened or what could have been. Surround yourself with people that will push and support you to be better version of yourself. Remember you are unique and have something to offer to the world so why hide behind your fears and not let the world see what you’ve got to offer.
Life’s too short.
Embrace the imperfections.
-A.
Jealousy is a tricky, complex thing that can start out as a small issue but if one pays enough attention to it then it manifests itself into a serious problem. Whether someone envies what another one has or if someone envies someone else because they seem to be more liked among the general public, jealousy can be one of the most draining emotions ever. It can turn the most pure person into one of the most disliked people ever.
So many different things can spark jealousy ranging from the envy of another’s purchase to the feeling that one may be replacing them in their circle of friends but regardless, how can one deal with it when the person is so blunt about their jealousy? We all preach about honesty in a relationship, friendship, or whatever it is but jealousy takes a lot of guts to admit that one has it in their heart towards another. Be open about the topic because this is the stuff that makes or breaks friendships…because if you can’t talk about this then what’s the point of you being “friends” or a “couple.” Address the matter in a sensitive way so both parties feel comfortable enough to even address the issue head-on.
At one point or another, we’ve been guilty of jealousy and I’ll admit that I’ve been jealous at times of others but now, I don’t wish to break these people down because at the end of the day, my insecurities are just getting the best of me by having me focus on the small insignificant things that shouldn’t matter to me. Jealousy depends on the person who has the feelings of envy because they’ve got to find the bigger person inside to really overcome those emotions since the other person isn’t literally sitting there waving their prized possessions in front of everyone.
We all should strive to be happy for one another and enjoy each other successes instead of focusing how we don’t have what another has or why we still struggle while another individual keeps on moving forward faster than the speed of light. Be the positivity that this world needs instead of contributing to the negativity that you wish to make disappear. Besides, envy & jealousy make an individual look completely childish and immature so show some signs of the adult that you always want people to think you are.
“”Jealousy is such an evil thing
Nobody wins when you’re full of envy”
-A.
The Universal Language…
Two star-crossed lovers…
A kiss on the lips…
A look of the eyes…
Je’taime…
Te Amo…
I Love You…
In any part of the world, “love” is translated through language, emotions, feelings, touching, and all those other forms of expression. It knows no barriers and can be in the air at the glimpse of two different individuals locking eyes into one another. It catches people off-guard and, the couple is left to sort through the whirlwind romance. It’s a companionship that involves the factoring of each partner’s beliefs, cultural values, religions, and all that baggage that one arrives when coming into a new, fresh relationship.
The greatest epic love story, “Romeo and Juliet”, written by the one and only William Shakespeare that explored the tale of two star-crossed lovers from opposing families and having everyone try to tear them apart. It’s inspired countless stage and film versions including West Side Story and the tween-oriented franchise High School Musical. At the core of all these stories including the original version, it was all the outside factors that tried tearing the lovers apart from one another by having even the most trusted of their friends try to sabotage their new-found relationships.
At the end of all these stories, the lovers were together one or way another…but let’s hope you don’t take Romeo and Juliet’s route of literally dying to be together. It just wouldn’t be worth it, right?
You’re probably sitting there thinking why these fairy-tale endings can happen in real life but honestly, it’s possible. You just can’t give up on love especially when both people in the relationship feel like the fight for their love is worth all the obstacles.
Obstacles can come in the form of family and/or friend disapproval, cultural differences, and even your partner’s personal beliefs can hinder a relationship from ever reaching its full potential. If you find yourself in a relationship where the issues are evident yet not resolved, it could eventually implode the relationship in a nasty way. If you or your partner feel like certain issues will become the things that tear you apart, then address them by talking about them. Communication is a vital part of what helps a relationship continuously grow into an indestructible force.
You’ve got to really think about what you want out of the relationship while also asking yourself if you’re giving it your all without no fears or reservations about what or may not happen. While the rest of the world will probably chime in with their two cents, this relationship is about you and your significant other…at the end of the day, you’re both human beings. All those other characteristics such as your religion, cultural values, race, ethnicity, and everything else are labels to describe you.
Regardless if you come from two different worlds or literally grew up together, Love is Love…it’s undeniable, tangible, powerful, and it makes the world go round. Love is endless, boundless, and the most beautiful thing in this world that any human can experience.
-A.
Unbroken…
It’s funny how we get caught up in our thoughts and emotions by letting them control us in our everyday life. Sit back, close your eyes, and think of a time when you were mad…suuuper mad about so-so talking behind your back, being cheated on, or having your best friend backstab you real nasty. You’re probably wondering why I am asking you to get back into the “I am mad at the world” mood but there’s a purpose behind it…duh!
If you’re not pissed, congratulations because you have a lot of strength to move on from the people and events that did you wrong. If you are pissed, then we’re sitting on the same boat also known as “GRUDGES.” It’s not the coolest boat to be on yet many of us find ourselves as passengers. We let these grudges manifest themselves into fears and excuses for us to use especially when you’re having the strongest case of déjà vu. Sometimes, we let it affect us in our everyday life even if you’re not pissed…you still have a grudge if it evokes the same feeling it did back when it first happened.
Life isn’t meant to be full of the happy go-lucky kind of moments but there should be a balance of those moments and the not-so-good moments because they both contribute to the center of our being. Don’t get me wrong even I’ve found myself to be holding grudges since forever ago but the hardest part is to get over that mountain and never look back. All the things worth having especially that feeling of endless happiness can be found in two, simple, little words:
LET GO!
Yep, those two little words hold the key to being happy with yourself and with your life. We can’t live our lives in bitterness, sadness, and madness because it’s just a total waste of time. You’ve got to look around you and notice the small details in life instead of being caught up in your thoughts and everybody else’s thoughts. People will preach about how there so happy but at the end of the day, they’ve faced their own battles and some even tougher than yours but if they got to the point of happiness then you can surely start your pursuit of happiness.
Happiness is attainable but it’s not easy to achieve. Go out into the world and give it your all like you’ve never been broken by a single person because those are the kind of people that shine brightly among the crowds. Let go of all the negativity, grudges, what ifs, and what could have beens because they’re not worth the time. I’ll share this little piece of wisdom that was told to me by a wise friend…
“If you don’t let go, you’ll never live a fulfilling life.”
The question is, “Are you ready to let go?”
-A.
There’s always this one individual that comes into your life, leads you on, takes whatever it is that they need from you, and then just walk away like nothing. It’s like opening the door for a criminal, then letting them steal what they need, and finally wave goodbye to them as they run away with everything. We can sit here and pretend to be the victim of repeated attacks by this “criminal” but it’s our fault just as much as this individual.
There must be a reason for this criminal’s repeated offenses whether it’s the physical aspect of what he/she gets out of a “quick” run-in or the emotional comfort that you can only provide instead of the other “victims” that she/he hits up from time to time. The one thing that sets you apart from the criminal is a conscience since they run around with feeling nothing but instant gratification as soon as they get what they want from you. You’re left dealing with the aftermath as you may give more than what you receive which is usually the case when it comes to these situations.
So when does the victim wake up and keep it as status quo? As the victim, you have to wake up and realize that you are way better than whatever person that crawls in and out of your bed as they please. It’s not a relationship…heck, it’s not even a friendship. You aren’t getting anything out of it and you deserve better than that. You deserve to have that “happily ever after” kind of story that you always dreamt of even if at times, they may seem a little out of this world. Your criminal only has power as much as you let them have over you so break this “bond” because whatever you think exists, it doesn’t exist at all. Your honest and unrestricted emotions are being used against you because of that one thing that everyone wants.
At the end of the day, everyone including these “criminals” just crave that fundamental feeling that makes the world go round: LOVE. As much as these criminals don’t want to admit, we all want to be loved and be in love as much as the next couple that walks past you doing whole “in-love” routine. As the victim, you need to rid yourself of these “criminals” because they’ll most likely never completely satisfy that innate need of yours to be loved. They’ll continue coming and going as they please unless you take control and love yourself more than the instant gratification you get out of being with the “criminal” whenever it is that they come around. The next time, lock the “criminal” out of your mind so they can’t steal those pure emotions as much as they want. They’re not worth the time, effort, or energy so focus it on somebody who reciprocates the same thing towards you instead of going around “stealing” hearts.
“I am in love with a criminal…and this type of love isn’t rational, it’s psychical”
-A.
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